Monday, September 7, 2009

Everything from B to Z You Need to Become Your Own Action Hero: A Guide to Surviving on all Terrains and Situations

By Beaze

Let me start off by stating that I am no expert. I ain't a cop, a solider, CIA or FBI. And encase your not sure, I'm not a superhero, vigilante, nor a Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson. I'm not even an actor or stuntman who's been on the sets with action heroes. And for the record, I'm not a psycho either.

Who I am is just a 27 year old man who is fed up with pansy ass people. But enough about me, let's talk about this program. It's very simple. The objective is to become independent of many of societies unnecessary conveniences. To be self-reliant. To literally be your own hero in times of peril. All it takes is the time to learn a few skills that most people are too lazy to do themselves and even some skills that could save your life or someone you love. As well as some that are just f---in' cool.

This idea came to me soon after my son was born. I started seeing the world a little different like most new fathers do. More importantly, I started seeing the people around me differently. I started thinking about what true "intelligence" is. What a true "education" is. I mean yea, maybe you got better grades then me, went to a better school then me, maybe you know about stocks and bonds, taxes, credit scores and can handle your money better then I can. But what does that all really mean if you're not even smart enough to feed yourself?

Now I ain't one of those apocalyptic conspiracy nuts that is preparing for the world to end and survivors have to fend for themselves, like Will Smith in I Am Legend, but really, what good is your triple digit IQ if you are driving through a desert road to Vegas with a flat tire and no cell service? What if you crunch numbers like a machine but don't know the most fundamental God given skill of taking care of a baby? So what if you know wall street like the back of your couldn't boil an egg with an instruction manual. The point is, intelligence is relative.

Wouldn't it be freeing to not depend on other people to wipe your ass? To not be helpless in a crisis? If your child or wife was choking, could you administer CPR? If you were out somewhere and someone got a nasty cut, do you even know how to use that first aid kit sitting in the trunk? If your wife was kidnapped, would you have to rely on the cops to save her? If you got mugged by 10 thugs in the night, could you take 'em out? If you retook a plane from hijackers, the pilot was down and the flight attendant asked, "does anyone here know how to land a plane?" could you respond?

If you follow this plan, you will.

Boxing - More like kickboxing. Why half-ass it.

Cooking - And I'm talking from scratch, not the freezer. It still amazes me how many people who would starve without takeout.

Dancing - This is one of those freedoms understood by women and underestimated by men.

Elasticity - Hey, I needed an E. And it's kind of sad that I'm 27 and can't touch my toes.

First-aid - Not everyone can preform a tracheotomy on themselves, but you should know how to patch up a flesh wound without passing out.

Guns - Sun Tzu said, know your enemy and know yourself. In other words, you ain't gotta like 'em, but some do, so you better know how to use one.

Hunting - With the rising cost of groceries, this may come in handy sooner than you think.

Ignition (fire control) - No lighters. No matches. So easy a caveman could do it.

Justice System - You can make any choice you want, but you should also know what consequences could be.

Kenjustu - This means "the art of the sword." They say the sword possessed the samurai's soul. I say, not every house has a gun, but most have a knife or two.

Language - Not just for travelers anymore. At some point, another language is going to walk right into your home.

Motorcycle - You just never know when it's going to be the only transportation available.

Ninjitsu - This is the smorgasbord of self-defense. Part jujitsu, part Akido, part karate.

Oil Changing
- I'm just tired of spending $30 and 2 hours of my day to have someone else do it.

Plumbing - No need to go tearing into dry wall, but a leak is hardly worth picking up the phone.

Quilting - Before you slam me, it's really sewing, but the S was full. I am married, so maybe I don't need to know this one...j/k. but seriously, rips and tears that don't add character to clothing and hinder the function of them should be repaired. Get beyond trying to impress anyone with "next year's fashion" jeans.

Rock climbing/Repelling - Frankly you just never know when you're gonna have to climb up or down a mountain to save yourself or someone else.

Stick Shift
- What happens if you have to drive someones car and it's not an automatic? what if you have to drive a drunk friend home? It's more important then you think.

Tire Changing - Again. AAA is great, but it can't always be there and it won't always be there within the hour. Why wait?

Underwater survival
- Most people have a fear of drowning or dangerous aquatic life. Fear has no place in the heart. For fear to be evicted, the landlord experience must find the new tenant understanding.

- just a fancy way of saying piloting. We fear flying because we cannot fly. It's about control.

Work out - Physical fitness. I love it when people have tons of money and tons of things, but their bodies are s---. How long do they think they'll be around to enjoy these things?

X (poison) control
- X = death. Cut me some slack, it's X for crying out loud. With all the chemicals we keep in our homes, wouldn't you like to know what happens if you interact with them and how to treat accidents?

Yachting - No I don't suggest buying a yacht. But on any boat, wouldn't you like to know how to take over in an emergency? It's just another form of driving.

Zen - People can control your possessions, your money, your body, but that can never...ever...control your spirit. Know yourself and you will be invincible.

I'm starting with WORK OUT.

The objective: To pass the physical fitness test of an elite soldier. This is going to be so much fun.

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