Saturday, September 12, 2009

It's a Conspiracy!

By Beaze

Relax it's the good kind. God (or the universe or whatever you call it) will conspire for you when you want it bad enough. The B to Z plan for becoming your own Action Hero just started last week and already the signs are hitting me harder than Mel Gibson. Since then this article stumbled onto my MSN homepage and I found a guide to changing your own oil in my new Men's Health magazine.

The path has been laid.

So here's a progress report:

Zen (Meditation) - this is by far my favorite part. Easy. I don't think people understand what a de-stressor (is that a word? It is now) it is to just sit down and think for 5 minutes a night. Most of the time they say you should clear your mind when meditating, but I feel it's better to focus. Focus on your goals. Visualize yourself achieving them. Dream.

Now that comes from my wife. Actually it comes from the Secret, a movie I could spend another article talking about how it changed my life and furthermore the odd and inevitable way it came into my life. But the point is, if you think about your journey and don't get excited about it, stop doing it. It will never work out.

Elasticity (Stretching) - I realize now that this was a WAY bigger deal than I thought. Probably the #1 reason I failed the fitness test this week. I am stiff as f--- for a 27 year old. Like Hillary Clinton stiff.

Work-out (Police Fitness Qualification) - So I tailored my workouts this week to training for this police test and my suspicions were confirmed. I have been exercising all wrong for the past 5 years. But I think I know what happened.

See, I moved from Philadelphia to California five years ago. And when you come to California, your number one concern is looking good. Everybody wants a beach body. Even the homeless people have beach bodies. I am not joking either.

So what happens is you get into that mentality. That "as long as I have a six pack who cares if I'm really in shape" mentality. I got into that mentality...and truth be told, I never got the six pack.

But I have made my strides nonetheless. First, I passed the bench press portion of the test. I actually lifted over 100% of my body-weight. I did a one rep max of 175 lbs and I only weight 165 lbs. Form was in check, didn't bounce the chest off my... (I actually typed this. Most people say stuff like this, I typed it), I mean the weight off my chest, and I got full extension going up. Am I Hercules? No. But am I Steve Urkel. Hell no.

But the best news is that I ran the 1.5 miles at 12 minutes 30 seconds! I f---in' did it! Granted I did it on my gym track where there are people to chase, but I still did it. Which confirms that I'm not a totally loser.

Now it's personal. I'm gonna take one more week to train and then the track is grass and I'm comin' for that ass!

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